previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons
Divine Vile
So, I'll ask again.
How's the summoning of the Booger God coming along?
McCuss wants an update.
And he runs.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I'm your Dungeon Master, Russ More.
He-Him, also with me today is Tom Laird.
Hey, that's me, He-Him, and I'm playing Flint Firebeard, who also goes by He-Him.
And Amy More.
Yes, I'm here.
I'm playing Thea Amastasia, She-Her, and Nighthunter.
It's like, Nighthunter.
She-They, and I'm She-Her.
And Carla Maxted.
She-Her, playing Lipsinki Pipdiggins, also She-Her.
And Kyle Claset.
Hey, what's up, He-Him?
I am here playing Vorunax, also He-Him.
Welcome back, everybody.
And Tom, you came in the middle of a two-parter.
It's very good.
I was the big reveal at halftime.
Yeah, it's going to be great.
He's going to come in and Salazar this up.
Yeah.
Like, he's going to come in and just save the day, Salazar.
Yeah.
Yeah, I like it.
Tom was sitting, I think, outside the door waiting for, like, the perfect time
at the end of an episode to come and be like, Cliffhanger!
But then he missed it.
I was so close.
And then five minutes later, he's there.
So close.
Should have timed it.
Ah, so bad.
But something happens over on Patreon.
Tom runs a game and he's there for the whole thing because he's the Dungeon Master.
Beginning, middle, and end.
Yeah.
Well, the nice thing about being the Dungeon Master in that game is I can actually check
out for long stretches of time when Russ just starts doing his opal thing.
Yeah.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I get this kind of glassy eye look and I'm like, I just kind of stare off at
the wall for a while and then, oh, right, he's done.
And then go, mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Just catch the keywords.
Yeah.
I will say that the last two episodes have faded out on me just talking.
So.
So he's not wrong.
Where's the lie, everybody?
Yep.
Ah, yeah.
So when you're a patron, you get access to that show it's called The Adventures
Of.
We're like, well, far into a season four.
There's like 50 plus episodes of that, plus a whole bunch of other amazing things.
And you get an episode dedicated to you.
This is Patron Harry Vincent.
Thank you, Harry.
Heck, yeah.
So go check it out.
Patron.com slash dumb dragon cast.
All those episodes and one dedicated to you.
That's pretty cool.
And now, fuck it.
Let's play.
As Vorunax was calling out priest Leroy Jenkins.
I don't know what you're talking about.
And ran towards the bubbling vat and begins to dive in.
Oh, these are best moments.
Watch this.
This is going to be beautiful.
Is that filled with them?
That is boogers.
Oh, no.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's boogers.
Yeah.
It's so viscous.
It's sort of I'm surprised he can even really like get a good kind of stroke.
Talking to us is worse than swimming in it.
Oh, no.
That's that's what they would probably call power jelly.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
So as we suspected, that is probably what we need to.
We probably need.
That's probably the ooze we want.
Right.
That's the we should just collect some.
Right.
I'm just going to get a small bit.
We're just going to bring.
We're just going to bring him all the options.
Oh, God.
Put on the gloves.
Jellies and oozes.
And two things happen simultaneously.
Priest Jenkins splashes down into the boogers and begins like hard.
How is his form?
Was his dive nice?
On point.
No splash.
Like he's got like nine point seven.
Like they threw him off just a little bit there because there was like a little
twist right at the end.
But that happens.
And now he's front stroke towards the nose statue.
At the same time, you hear the friendly voice of Flint walking in behind you.
Flint, you made it.
Sorry.
I was a little late.
That's OK.
You're just in time to witness this acolyte of a booger god.
It's going to be glorious.
Just watch.
He's going to be booger god?
Check out the giant nose and what you think he's in right now.
What it looks like is what it is.
Just consider yourself lucky that you're coming in at this moment.
I've got two gold.
He's going up the right nostril.
Oh, I mean, I'll take that.
I say left.
All right.
I think he will drown in boogers before he get there.
What if he gets snorted up by both and gets split in half and goes up both?
I think that's a parlay, isn't it?
Maybe.
Priest Junkins is front stroking towards the seventy five foot nose statue on the other side of this massive cavern.
There's this pool of what looks like a very viscous fluid before you bubbling up.
And he is proceeding towards the the fluid, which is traveling up the nose.
And he travels up the right side of the nose, swimming upstream like a salmon.
Perhaps he is part fish person.
Oh, I mean, maybe he's swimming very well.
Hey, do you want me to, like, shoot him down?
He's up the nose.
Oh, he's already up.
I said he went up the right nostril.
Not even Achilles tendon poking out from the bottom.
You could try.
It's got to be a high roll.
Could we have just walked next to him while he was swimming through snot?
It did happen over a large, lengthy period of time.
We just stopped in disgust.
In disgust.
Flint, you just arrived here.
You passed through the township of news after staring at the statue of yourself in greenest
for a lot longer than anybody expected you were going to be.
It's like that scene from Ferris Bueller where they're just staring at the painting.
Exactly. Yeah, that's exactly it.
On the way, you passed like an entire village worth of people all sniffling and snorting
and like boogers coming down.
One lady had a cup below her nose that was catching all of the boogers.
That was Mallory.
That's very polite in this town.
She's the baker.
Yeah, she was working at her bakery at the time.
Okay, yep, yep.
That was happened.
Somebody offered you a drink of water because you looked like a parched adventurer.
Did you take it?
I did not.
Okay, good to know.
Not after that intro.
Same intro they got too.
So it's an even playing field.
You passed those people and asked them about your friends and they directed you to where you are now.
Staring at this giant statue with your friends.
That's where you are.
That's what you see.
Priest Leroy Jenkins is up and out of the nose or up in the nose rather.
Did the priest like yell anything as he jumped in?
I couldn't remember the intro.
I'm assuming so.
He was being questioned by Vorunax who was trying to let on that he's like he knows what's happening.
He panicked.
You probably heard like a long, uh, no, it wasn't me.
I didn't do it.
Okay.
Bye bye.
And then bolted.
All right.
Who's going in after him?
You don't want to go.
No, that was a joke.
Nobody should go in there.
It's very unsanitary.
You know, coming in a little late to the party, I'm still a little unclear of this whole situation.
Frankly, you're a little more vain than we all thought you were.
So it's a weird seeing.
Well, I mean, it is because I don't really look like that anymore.
I bet that's not how you picture yourself, huh?
So, I mean, how are we going to get this guy out of this nose?
Give him time.
He'll he'll come out on his own.
Hey, Donnie.
Hi.
For a job.
What do you mean?
Well, I watched the guy go up the nose.
Okay.
Yeah, I watched this whole time.
I peeked my little head out from your little satchel.
I chomped on my crackers.
Thank you for not taking the boogers, Claire, and putting them in here, too, because that would not be appreciated.
If you listen closely, you can hear some people walking up.
There's a faint call off in the distance of the township of people who are making their way towards the cavern.
You wait a few moments and the first of them start to come through and they say, Mayor is one of the first ones through.
It's good to see you all again.
Where's the where's the priest?
Your priest was very shifty.
We said hello.
What is happening here?
And he hum hi and then swim up the nose.
Oh, oh, he swam up the nose.
He went up the nose.
That's interesting.
He jumped in the, you know, liquid just like and went.
He said his work here was done.
Oh, you don't need to be treated anymore.
And ascended.
I think he said something like this was all for Booger God.
McCuff, McCuff, McCuff and actually cold will go away on own.
I have lots of soup and rest.
Oh, well, but I see the vials there.
Looks like he maybe left them out for us.
No, you don't.
Tail smash.
Oh, I was mistaken.
You know, it's really easy for that to happen to the best of us.
Yeah, no, I mean, they were there one second.
And then I looked away just for a brief moment to tell you that I saw them.
And I looked back and it's probably best that it's cold turkey.
He said that the serum is quite addictive and that it's better in the long run
if you guys just wait it out with a regular cold like regular people do.
Yeah, maybe just head back to your homes and rest.
What would you say people like hot water bottles?
Okay, hot water bottles.
Some soup.
Very watery soup.
Tea, a nice mint tea maybe.
Oh, steam, steam, hot water in a bowl.
Steam with your head under a towel.
Throw some of those mint leaves in the boiling water and steam yourself.
And then there is like this pot that you can pour into your own nose.
Oh, you told me about the pot, the nose pot.
Yeah, you could try that.
We should get our potter on that.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Those are all suggestions, you know, that we're relaying to you from Jeankeen.
Okay, great.
Okay, well did you hear that everybody?
Yeah, I guess so.
I got it.
It was disappointing.
I was just going to get the instinct here but fine, whatever.
Okay, well.
Okay, well, I guess head on back.
Not even one bottle there.
Hey, okay.
Well, okay, we'll see when we see you, I guess.
You coming back through town when you're done?
Can I look around?
Is there any just like ore at my feet?
Like pebbles?
Sure, you look down, there are pebbles.
Make a nature check.
Nature.
18.
You know for certain there is no ore at your feet.
We've not yet found ore but if we do we'll still stop off and drop you off some.
Great, great, I love it.
All right, well we're going to head back.
Nice to see you.
Tell Jeankeen if you see him up the nose or anything just that we'll catch up later.
Yeah, for sure.
Maybe at Sunday mass or something.
Okay, have a good day.
Okay, so he's like up there.
He's not coming down.
Yeah, no, it seems like he maybe lives there now.
Can we blow up the nose?
I mean, we can always blow things up.
That's always an option.
I would like to blow things up.
I have not yet blown up Giant's nose.
You want to blow up the nose?
We could block the nose up.
Yes, but not like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We don't want to go up the nose.
Like boom.
Like you follow?
Yeah, do we want to stuff the nose or blow the nose or?
Wait, Grancis, you're saying that the nose actually goes somewhere.
Why would a priest swim up a nose to die?
I don't think that's a great question.
Does that question be closer to his God?
Yeah.
All right.
So Grancis, are you saying that you want to go up the nose?
It sounded like maybe you were volunteering.
You said somebody very brave should go up the nose.
Somebody who's had a lot of exes.
Lived a full life.
Attracts all the women.
He would like to, as they're trying to tell him to go up the nose, would like to go and, I don't know, search for a faucet nozzle.
A schnozzle?
A spigot?
A spigot of some kind, like a turn off the nose pour.
OK, yeah, you go look around.
I guess the only real place that there is anything is the smashed cart that Varanok just smashed.
You go check over there, kind of amongst the rubble.
You see, of course, all the shattered glass from the bottles of nose cleaning.
You see there are three arrows there that look like they're adorned with some sort of magical or not magical,
but like some sort of artifice device on the end of them.
There's two towels and a singular wand there as well.
Well, I want to pick up the arrows in the wand.
But not two turntables and a microphone.
Very close.
Guys, look what I found.
Oh, what did you find?
I found these arrows.
Oh, that's a shoe.
That's a shoe.
OK, so these arrows have like something on them.
I'm hoping they're incendiary.
I don't know, but like fingers crossed and a wand.
And I want to swish it around like I'm a fucking wizard.
Not at anybody, though, in the air.
If you give me a moment, give me a minute.
I could summon some some elementals just to kind of go up there and scope it out for us and come back.
I could have done that, too.
That's yeah, I guess that's fine.
Oh, I mean, if you want to do it.
No, no, it's fine.
I'm going to fiddle with this wand and I shake it.
My wand sounds like a turkey.
Do you activate it?
I don't know. I don't know how to activate it.
I shake the wand.
It's there like I just don't care.
What? What?
There's a wand over here.
What? What?
There's some magic over there.
Make an arcana.
He's like, I don't like you today.
Oh, fuck me.
No, no, it's a ten.
Yeah, no, that's fine.
I have a plus eight to arcana, you guys.
What's your elemental situation?
Mine, I'm going to summon an ice method.
It's going to go up the nose?
Yeah, it's going to go up the nose.
Great.
Silver surfer style or like?
Yeah, totally freezes the snot as it goes over.
Okay, ice method comes out.
It starts ripping some gnarly waves in the boobs as it's like grinding the half pipe and ollieing.
Wait, is he skateboarding?
Because it may start surfing, but then it freezes and becomes a solid surface.
So it goes from surfing to skating.
Making his way towards the nose as Thea is...
Turkeying, I think is the correct term.
Releases a charge from the wand towards the ice method.
What?
Who is struck with it.
I said specifically.
No, Russell.
There's like this dust that comes around the ice method.
I mean, she did say she didn't go into it.
I like that Russell's just plowing through this.
And it begins coughing violently.
You would not do this if Carla said this.
I feel like...
Wow.
As it goes up the nose.
You just made my method sick.
Listen, I wasn't pointing it at anybody.
I don't know what happened.
Magic accidents happen.
It's totally fine.
I know it, but...
They're called accidents.
You know how many times I've nefariously used magic?
It was funny too.
The sign on the wall said it had been 92 days since a magic accident.
Oh, I walk over to it and I change it.
It's back to zero, folks.
I guess we got to ring the bell.
Is that how it works?
Ring it away.
There's a bell there.
I ring it.
After an indeterminate amount of time, the ice method comes back,
Carving gnarly waves.
Coughing up a storm.
Comes back, just kind of hangs out by your shoulder.
Coughing into your ear, Vorunax.
There's a chamber down there.
As it goes up the nose, down the chamber.
Guy in the chamber.
Voices.
I was coughing a lot.
Might have told them that I was there.
There's a chamber.
Many chambers.
Up the nose.
There's got to be a better way into that chamber than through that nostril.
I'm going to start feeling around for the walls.
Maybe that's the fastest way for him.
When I was looking around the nose, I didn't find a spigot.
No, there's no spigot.
I thought for sure there'd be a spigot.
No, I didn't tell you there was a spigot because there was no spigot.
I thought you were just being mean.
You said that they release their offerings onto the altar.
What is the altar?
Into the pool?
It's basically just into the pool.
Hold on a second.
So it is a reverse fountain, yes?
Guys, should we just wait it out?
There's not an unlimited supply of boogers here.
Especially now that most of it's frozen.
Now, it's mostly frozen and the townspeople won't come, so...
Oh, God, should we just...
Let's just do it.
I mean, can we just get some more ice and then we could just walk on?
Is that...
Could you...
You're going to be an issue, aren't you?
I can't dismiss it, actually.
No, it's still in control.
It's going to be an issue and spoil the surprise further.
Thank you for your service.
Good day to you.
Dismissed.
Okay, does he, like, snap out of existence or is now he coughing in somebody else's place and he's somebody else's problem?
I've always been curious about that.
Coughing somewhere on the elemental plane of ice.
Oh, shit.
Keep that wand, though.
Whoa, yeah, I'm gonna.
Donnie, I'm putting this in the bag.
Just don't touch it.
Yeah, don't worry, I'm not going to...
You know, like I saw you doing there.
Don't eat it either.
Why would I? I don't chew on wands, okay?
I learned after that shrinking ray.
You still believe that's what happened to you?
Wasn't it?
Of course, yeah, it was a shrinking ray.
That's why you're not a giant gold dragon anymore, it's okay.
Then I lost memories.
No, it's fine.
And perfect, perfect.
The way you are.
Well, thank you for saying so.
It's been a while, I've been hiding in the bag.
Sometimes people just forget that I'm even here.
I hug the bag.
Love you, buddy.
Let's just swim in or climb through ice boogers.
Yeah, it kind of looks like it's that gloopy swamp muck.
No, it'll be fine.
I got us technically into this mess by just coming in here and being like,
I know what you're doing, haha, so I'll lead the way.
Your hubris did kind of get a hold of you there.
Did you ever think of playing the victim at all?
Like, I think I feel something coming on.
Maybe I'll give that a try next time.
It's just a note for next time, you never know.
You never know when you're going to have this whole thing again.
Is it frozen enough?
Do I have to ice storm this thing?
Are we good?
Yeah, how frozen is this?
It's like a gloopy swamp muck.
That seems like we get nowhere.
For those of you listening at home, not watching me on this video,
because why would you be?
I am miming how I feel it would be,
and I think it would be like being on a mucus escalator,
but like walking up the down escalator.
The worst escalator ever.
We could just try swimming up it like they did.
Honestly, the fact that it's not...
I mean, I'm just going to do this,
and I cast spider climb on myself,
and then I can walk like, I can go on the...
I don't have to get in the...
I mean, I know the goop,
but I'm going to just avoid the snot river as much as I can.
Sure.
Okay, yeah, I'm going to alter self.
You guys are taking too goddamn long.
I'm just going to wade in here.
It's up to my hip waders,
and here we go, we're doing it.
Yeah, I'm going to alter self,
and I'm going to grow claws, and I'm going to claw my way up.
You realize you still have to go through the nose
that has boogers going up it.
Yes, I realize that,
but if I could not spend ten minutes getting through the boogers...
How slow are you?
Whatever.
Don't judge me.
I'm going to take ten minutes to cast fine steed,
ride my steed up the nostril.
Okay, Grancis is up.
I follow Grancis.
Yeah, I'm going to.
Everybody goes in their own way.
Flint, what ten minutes are you spending doing?
Flint gets back in touch with his dwarven side
that granted him not immunity to poison,
but resistance against it,
and he just knows that this isn't poison,
but it's the next best thing,
so he just kind of steals himself for it,
and he's able to get there.
Nighthunter just goes.
She goes for it.
She's mermaid-swimmin' it.
Kylo's great.
Just like that.
All right, everybody's up the nose.
You come down into a chamber
and clear some of the gunk from your face and body.
Does anyone have prestidigitation?
Not one of us?
Fuck.
I don't think I do.
I don't have Grancis' character sheet,
so we're going to say no.
Perfect.
Sounds good, sounds creepy.
So we're going to say no.
The chamber that you are in,
or the area that you are in,
you look around and you see,
you roll me a d4, please.
Do you have a d4?
I do, I do have a d4.
Hi-ya!
Three.
There are three individuals in this room,
and it looks like a laboratory,
and it looks like there is like this
funnel of,
we're just going to say it now,
boogers,
coming down from where you came down
into more of a vat
in the middle of this room,
and they are working at individual stations,
and here you, of course, fall in
and look at you,
as you are now in this vat,
and um...
That's me.
Try not to drown in the vat of boogers.
You're right there.
What are you doing in the vat?
This is a lab,
it's a clean zone.
I flop out like a fish.
No, no, no.
Boogers everywhere.
I'm slipping, I'm sliding,
it's very, very slick.
And then I go to like
steady myself on one of their
lab tables,
right?
And I'm just like swiping stuff off the tables
and grabbing their shirt
collars.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
This is really slippery.
I got your glasses.
I'm so sorry.
There's a reason why people don't go up there.
Jenny, get them the towels.
Look, this is a
clean zone, you're not supposed to be coming back down.
I mean, the priest came down,
but that's like, okay, he comes up and down
every now and again.
Is there not a separate entrance?
My Lord.
Well, I mean, he gets a thrill of it.
How did you get in here if you didn't?
Well, there's the exit.
There's the back door around the other side
of the, around the other side.
So, what kind of,
I mean, no offense if you
are, but you don't appear to be
any kind of snot god?
No, definitely not snot gods
in here. More scientists
about to the snot god
were, yeah.
So you do fall, there is a snot god.
Yeah, like there's consistency down the
chambers. I just wanted
to make sure we hadn't
what if
there wasn't a snot
god? What if there wasn't? I mean, I felt
ridiculous.
They've really been built up in my mind.
Collected boogers?
Praise to him, cause
I'm, if I
didn't already just get myself out of the
situation, I would
say, hey, how do you sign up? But
Sure, sure. Yeah, there's some forms
a few rooms in. Why
are you in Nevada
snot? Oh, sorry.
Step out. Yeah, I'm gonna
just get out of here.
No, chief scientist
Bob, I'm here.
I'm here just,
it doesn't matter what we're doing here.
It matters what you're doing here. Oh, well, no, we're curious
about your work here. You guys are like
the unsung heroes.
Let me tell ya. So when priest
Roy Jean Kin comes down here
and says, don't tell the people
who are gonna follow you down next
anything. I shouldn't
tell you things? No, I think
he was talking about the, cause
we didn't come down
right after him. Like, it's been like
20,
30 minutes. It's been a while. I mean, I feel like it's been
a conversation with the town and then
some organization, perhaps 10
minutes of magic that was unnecessary.
We're just from the town.
We're just
from the town. We just got super curious,
you know? Right.
Yeah, Jenny, get them the towels there.
Oh, here you go.
Towel for you, towel for you.
Just wipe them off. These are
towels of curing. They're
gonna just take away everything that makes you feel bad.
Oh. Yeah, yeah. We gotta
wash them after though, but once you wash them, then
they just keep, you keep those, you keep those.
Those are good for you.
He wants to, like, swipe a clean one and put
it in her bag.
Okay, well you could have the dirty one too.
But the dirty one needs to be washed, yeah?
Oh, eventually. Yeah, I don't want
to do that. Okay, yeah, sure.
Take the clean one. Take two.
Oh my gosh. Yeah, we got lots.
We should probably grab one for Leroy though, right?
Oh, Leroy grabbed one. He's got
a house coat of curing, so he just
kind of threw that on.
Okay.
Oh, okay, so
I'm doing an
article for
the News Newspaper.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And we
just, like, the whole town
is super curious, like
the inner workings
of this place. Well, they're not supposed to know
the inner workings of this place. How do they find out about
the inner workings of this place? Well, you know, people talk.
So I'm just thinking, can you
give us, can you give me an exclusive?
Sure. Yeah.
We can give you an exclusive.
I could tell you about the work
we're doing here. Okay, Grancis, do you
know what's up?
I forgot what Bob's voice was.
I just felt
like Grancis somehow, like, migrated to
his side and was like, I'm part of the scientists
now. And we're like, Grancis,
get over here. Sorry, sorry.
I got carried away. Also, Amy, quick question.
Is it the News Newspaper?
Oh, I'm sorry. Or the News Newspaper?
News is the name of the
town. So it's the News
Newspaper.
Gotcha.
I guess we did not tell you what town you were in.
You were in the town of News.
An OOS?
Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah.
I think I found Bob again. Yeah, this is a little bit higher
than Grancis. Similar cadence. It gets
real confusing sometimes. Good
thing I make so many voices. All right,
exclusive. I could tell you exactly what's happening
here. See, we're taking the boogers
that come down here, that filtered
from the nose. Oh, filtered
boogers, Kate. That's interesting.
Well, they filter out of the nose.
Yeah, come up. Anyways, come down.
And then we're turning them into
black pudding down here. Black pudding?
Black pudding? Black pudding used for what?
Wow, this is
unbelievable. Well,
they're monsters. Oh, black pudding
monsters? Yeah,
because the nose shaped god
is a god of
slimes
and jellies and
ogres and
black pudding monsters. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. No, I know. I mean,
I know. Of course. Yeah.
So that's what we're doing. And that's it.
Day in, day out. Day in, day out, turning boogers to black
pudding. Goodness. Okay.
All right. Oh, so I just need to know
whose genius idea was it to
make the town super sick
and continually get them sick with
this potion so that you have a
constant supply. Who is the genius?
Raise your hand.
A victim of circumstance, really.
That was just sheer convenience that they all
started getting this booger situation.
And then we just rode right on the
back of it. We're like, you got
it. Let's take these boogers.
They just kept coming back. We were like, oh,
we got it at one supply. All right.
But then they were like, next day, hey, got more
of that nose cleaning booger stuff.
And we did because they kept getting boogers.
So it's just day in, day out.
What lucky happens dance.
And then everything
goes great. And they probably
Oh, okay. Sings a song. I'll
need the lyrics to that later.
But wow. The flasks
that were being provided upstairs
or up nostril,
those were actually
helping and not causing
the epidemic
to continue. Yeah. No.
We were like, we saw them all with
a similar cold all the same time. We're like, wow.
Wow. But then
we're like, we just need the boogers once.
But then it kept coming back
unrelated to anything we gave them.
My goodness. Okay. Now
none of the villagers have said that
they have seen any extra sightings
of black pudding monsters. Can you
give us the inside of where these
monsters are going?
That's a good question. They line the
walls and kind of
ones right behind you there. Oh, make a
dexterity saving. Oh, fuck. I was just going to
interview. Fuck
me. Why with the ropes? I just
spit on myself. Six.
I got too excited.
Okay. You're going to take six bludgeoning
damage plus 18
acid damage
in additional non magic armor.
You have magical armor specifically.
Yeah. Okay. So I'm up to 24 damage.
Is that what's happening? Yes. Yes, you are.
Rude. And I yell
rude. Well, I mean, we don't control them.
They just kind of. I mean, that one looked
like it was ready to
Oh, you couldn't have told me sooner though.
Well, I mean, again, part
of the line. Dick Scientist doesn't
share insider information.
I thought his name was Bob.
Brunch. Bob
Scientist. Oh,
I get to fight back.
Or you could let it continue to acid
eat you. Ah, no.
It seems like it's full
of acid. I don't want to touch it.
That's touching you. Oh, it's like
la la la la. Yeah. Okay.
So I've just been talking all through this.
Okay. Well, I'm going to
make a flaming sphere
that's going to appear
in
what says an unoccupied space.
Have we settled on
whether or not if I were to
put it in my
space because it comes from me, is
it going to hurt me? Yeah, because it's
a flaming ball of fire. Fine.
I'm going to put it two and a half feet behind
the monster.
Okay. So that it burns
the back of this asshole. Okay.
Two and a half feet
behind the monster.
You hear and
smell the sound of
boogers boiling in the
vat behind you because that's
two and a half. Mmm. It's
like I'm going to picture
like acidic acrid
is probably the
the descriptor there,
kind of like a sickly.
Yeah, he needs to make a dexterity saving
zero.
Zero.
I rolled a three. It has a
minus three.
I appreciate that.
So here we go. Here we go.
I just give him max damage. Okay.
Eighteen.
Eighteen. Yeah, like shrieks
and releases you and like
loops down the side and it's beginning to move towards
foreign eyes. Guys, that's yuck.
Don't let it touch you. Bob, do you have
some kind of container we can put this in?
You make these things so you have to house them
in something else. Yeah. And Bob
and Jenny and the third unnamed
scientist are all backing towards
door on the opposite side of the
room. Yeah, I mean we do, but
like it's kind of our job to make them
and this is kind of their purpose is
to like eat people and
metals and we're just going to
slowly
That's them.
Leaving.
I had a
feeling.
I guess run after them? Yeah.
Yeah, let's do it.
You immediately exit.
They went off to the left.
It is a short hallway
that goes two different directions.
There's one that looks like it goes into
a narrow
cove.
There is a hole in the back
of it that looks like it descends
down. You can't tell where exactly
from the
hallway that you're in. And then that
hallway continues another five-ish
five to seven feet and then wraps
down and there's a stairwell that goes
further down into this cave.
Russ, can I do that thing that they would always do
in 80s movies where you take
a random alley and somehow end up
in front of the person?
Is that possible in
this weird place that we're in? You can pick
away and see if that happens.
Doesn't sound too likely.
You can go
right. There's a cove
with a hole that goes down
further or there's a stairwell.
I'll try the stairwell. Or you could
roll something to see if you figured out which
way they went. Oh, well that seems like
much more fun before I just have to randomly
guess. Investigation or
survival
for some sort of tracking or
split the party and go both
directions.
Correct.
I will do investigation since
I have that lovely bonus to my
intelligence. That is
a 21.
21. You can tell that there are two sets
of newer footprints that
go off and down
the stairs and two sets of footprints
that go to the back of
this cove and down that
hole. One looks like it terminates
a little bit before that hole.
Like as if somebody
jumped down the hole? Perhaps.
It's like there's two sets of footprints.
One stops about
seven feet before. The other
one continues on to the hole.
Yeah, I'll go up to the
hole and have a look. As you walk towards
that hole, make a dexterity saving throw
please. I'll do it. I'll do it, Russ.
Don't tell it to me. Since you're with me, you'll get a
plus four to that saving throw.
Oh, dope. I like that.
Alright.
That is a 14
before, like just plus
four and not a D4? No, it's a plus
four. Alright, 17 then. And I got a
25, Russ. You
feel below your foot, Flint
and Vorunax, the ground give way.
Jump to the side.
Both of you are able to manage the side
and it opens another hole
and you hear a voice like
down in this dark pit.
You hear a voice down at the bottom of this new hole
that you
hear. You can't quite see. You see
a silhouette of a figure down.
It probably goes down 15 or 20 feet.
And then there's a muffled
moaning of a voice
down the far hole that you were walking
towards. What kind of moaning?
Sounds like classic rolled ankle.
I definitely
rolled my ankle.
Flint, stairs?
Yeah, let's
take care of this. Take care of this
like he's injured. You might as well put him
down. I mean,
not opposed to it.
Yes.
So yeah, there's two, presumably
a person down at the bottom of both of these
holes in some form of pain
or injury. What are you going to do?
It might be Gengarus.
And Flint and
Barnard. If you could just pass me a
bandaid.
I'm very
badly burned.
Awesome powers.
I'm like
can you walk at all?
No,
I seem to have broken my
leg.
The bone is sticking out.
Good.
Don't poke it, whatever you do.
Poke it? Ow!
I've poked it and it hurts
so bad.
If you could just pass me
some sort of bandage or medical
kit, I might be able
to patch it up until someone can come
get me. I'm going to toss down
my dirty cleaning off rag.
Oh, well thank you.
I will wrap
this and
stop the blood from pouring
from the open wound.
Good call.
It's getting dark.
Darker than it was before.
Just, you know, try to
keep breathing.
Okay. What next?
Take something and tie it
above the injury.
Tie it around there.
Right. Yes, I will tie the
towel. That is the only
tourniquet option I have.
Remember to tie it as
tight as possible.
This is fine. Good.
Are you going to help me?
A rope would be good.
Do we recognize
the voice? Do we know which of the scientists
is this? Is it Hillup? Is this Bob?
Not Hillup. Is it Hillup?
Is it the unnamed third scientist?
Is it Leroy because we didn't really hear
him say much? It sounds
very similar to Bob.
Okay.
Glen, should we just kind of back away
quietly and just
I mean, we did all we
could. Exactly.
We helped them as much as they helped
us. I think that's fair.
But there's stairs.
They're not going anywhere.
I feel like
I've stopped the bleeding.
Hello?
Are you still there?
Just step
away quietly.
Will Homer Simpson
back into the hedge?
Ah,
middles.
We made it to them
after the summertime.
And
we got this rhyme
in the
middles. That was nice. I mean
yeah, alright. Here we are.
September, we're all back together again.
Falls in the air. Summer has
waned and now we're into sweaters
and hot tea.
Pumpkin spice. Leggings.
Boots.
Leggings. Boots.
Yep. I'm gonna get those
gourd.
Halloween!
Pretty sure the spirits open somewhere.
It is.
But that's not what we're
talking about today. I mean, it is kind of
a little bit. But also that we've
missed you. And
we're glad that we're back.
And glad that at this
point, as it's released, we probably
don't have COVID anymore.
Which means that
this episode is actually being released
to you. And we will
continue releasing them until
Christmastime.
When
we will take a Christmas
break.
That was a lot of
buildup.
I should point out that when we're
not here in the middles, but you know,
maybe you miss us, you can
I mean, just go download the whole
bag catalog if you want.
Go on over to Patreon
maybe. Go to Patreon, but
come to our Discord or sign up for
the newsletter. There are other
ways to like kick it with us.
Carla's doing a fantastic job on that newsletter.
Well, there's only been two guys.
Let's not get too excited.
They've been increasingly
better than the nothing I was doing
previously.
Better and they come out on time?
Official shout out for Carla.
Well, that's nice.
Yes, sign up because there's like schedules
and stuff in there so you don't miss anything.
But then there's also some fun tidbits
she adds in there too. It's not all schedules.
Yeah, it's not all schedules.
There just is a schedule section.
What a nerd I am that that was what I chose
to highlight. Guys, there's a schedule
in it. Ross has brainwashed me.
That was the only thing
that was in it. There's a picture
of Carla and I in this
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And a picture of some ribs
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Delicious ribs, I'm sure.
They were so good. You can sign up for our
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On our website. DumbDragons.com
In the contact us
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Did I have time to read
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Nope.
Not me.
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So add us to your
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for listening. Okay.
Back to the episode now. Bye.
We cut to
Thea Lipsinki and Grancis who went the
other way. Where's Nighthunter?
And Nighthunter.
Thea Lipsinki, Grancis, and Nighthunter.
There's so many people. And there's a set
of stairs where two other sets of footprints
had traversed.
You hear the callings of
what sounds like Bob off in the distance and you
proceed down these stairs.
Go down about 50 feet until it
platform and rounds
into
a narrow corridored hallway
that takes a quick right and then a
quick left.
No.
And then another quick right.
I think we are in a fucking mess. And then it splits
into two different directions.
Vorunax and Flint,
you've caught back up by this point.
Um, Rez. Yes.
Can I use my ghostly
gaze? Sick. Which gives me
the ability to see through solid
objects with dark vision for
up to 30 feet. Okay.
So maybe I could like cut through
some of this rad maze.
Yeah, yeah.
Because I can see
where we need to go.
Sure. Yeah, yeah.
You can see you do like
I feel like it's like a Terminator
like scanning through
the walls obviously. And you can
tell perfectly whose clothes fit you.
Yeah.
And you see that
there is an opening like
immediately to the right. But as you're doing your scan
first of all, there is
within this maze
there is like a giant gelatinous
cube. A jelly
cube. Okay, so
I know we've got a
lot of options for
the jelly ooze. But
in this maze there is like
something that looks like just a giant
big old jelly mold.
So that might
that might be the actual
I know we've got like
a number of snot samples
and also the jelly and the jam
but I think options are good.
I feel like
I feel like maybe, so I'll just
take us towards
that. Take us towards that. Yeah, I think that
sounds good. Are there footprints? Get what we need and then
leave, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
There are footprints that
you were following, yeah. And can
we still follow?
You can. They proceeded
apparently into the maze though
and Lipsinki can lead you
through the maze
to the various places
you want to go. Cause also we don't
really care about the people maybe?
We just want to get some jelly and get out of here.
Unless one of them was a
fish person and you just didn't mention it
but I think you would have mentioned it.
Oh right, I
forgot all about the fish person.
There's only two things we need.
Three things. We're in a fucking
cave and we still have not found ore.
Not yet, no.
Oh yeah, right. Is there any ore around?
I'd like to keep my eye out for some ore.
Wait, ore like O-R-E
or O-A-R? Cause there might just be some other
ores on the wall. Oh my god, how did he spell it in the list?
I'll be mad.
I guess it said
raw ore so it's like
wouldn't that be a delight?
Wouldn't it just? That's just a plank of wood.
Just a paddle.
Raw ore.
This is a tree.
If only
I was smarter earlier.
That could have been fun.
How to frustrate your party.
Homophones.
Amazing.
So you're going towards the gelatinous cube?
Yeah, let's get a little bit of that
jelly jelly before we get
out of here. You're following
Lipsinki who was leading you
towards the gelatinous cube. It takes up the
entire space of this.
One of these caverns. Corn mazes
are not fun for you, yes?
I mean, no, I don't really.
Yeah, mazes suck.
True, words have never
been spoken.
This is Lipsinki speaking
saying, hey mazes,
why don't you fuck off?
Hey, the last time I was in a
maze, I can't remember cause I have maze PTSD,
but I know I was in a maze for a long
time, and
Flamikin's actually got us
out of it, so. So we turn things
over to her. Yeah, that tells you how
desperate and dire the
situation was. Flamikin
sounds cool. Well, she's
a badass bitch, but
You make it to the gelatinous cube.
It's jiggling before you
It's not the color I thought it would be.
What do you collect it with, or try to
collect? I want to reach forward
with the wand.
And
like, scoop,
that's the word, some onto
the end of the wand.
The wand has a spoon end.
You know what, it weirdly does.
It's carved with a little baby
spoon at the end. Really awkward.
You scoop
it, and then it immediately
begins like
disintegrating the wand
at the tip. Does someone have a jar?
This wasn't a good idea.
Luckily this isn't my wand.
True. Nobody? Jar?
It's fresh out of jars.
Yeah.
Damn it.
I'd let go of the wand before
it gets to my fingers, by the way.
We got a number of snot samples,
so we could probably just use
Let's just get
We'll just dump that. I didn't get rid of the goblin
boogers. Probably not what we
need. I think it's this.
If we were sent here, I think
it's probably this, but I'm not
I don't want to
touch it.
Because of the melting wand.
Oh yeah, I wouldn't put your hand in it.
That's for dang sure. I've seen
one of these before.
They melt you good. I died
to one of them in the abyss.
Patreon.com
slash dumb dragon cast.
You can hear how I died so many
goddamn times.
It was great.
Vorunax, you
can put something into it and then
follow Lipsinki towards
the exit to this maze
that all of us magically found
ourselves in because Rust didn't read
ahead in the adventure.
Oh please, as if that's not what lured
you to this adventure.
You didn't know about Lipsinki's
little ghosty vision, did you?
You proceed down and it's
lit by a luminescence all the way
down and the pathway
goes up to this
splashing water.
Looks like a flooded mine shaft.
There are
all along the walls you can see
gems and minerals
and stuff all like pecked
into the wall. Pretty.
Any ore in these walls?
Make an investigation roll.
I will investigate.
Ore nature. Okay, so
hold on, I just want to see
Kyle's
stats suck.
It's just zeros across the board.
So nature
is plus
two and so is investigation. So how about
a 19? Okay,
yes, down at the end of this flooded
mine shaft you see ore.
Raw ore, just like a
blint, like
that's it.
Hey you guys, there's ore here.
And I
skip over.
Thea skips over.
Okay, you walk out into it.
No, I skip. You skip out into it.
You go
You're about
up to your
up to your torso, like up to
your armpits in this flooded mine shaft.
Up to your titties.
In water.
Splash down. I thought it was on
the same. I was not listening carefully.
No, I said on the other side of the mine shaft.
I splashed through, apparently,
because I said I did.
You get down there and you can chip it out.
You have a piece of raw ore.
I hold it in the air triumphantly
and go, whoo!
This chamber
rolls around and you
see a brighter light.
Not hugely brighter,
but a little bit brighter light.
Like not a bioluminescent
light. Yeah, something more
man-made of some sort.
Around this corner, around this bend,
you can peek your head around and you see
and there are these
tent-like structures inside this
large domed, flooded
cavern. Hey guys!
There's like
camping is happening over there.
Like in there.
Like it's all flooded, like it's all water,
but there's like camp.
People are camping
in there. They're tents.
Did you see one?
I haven't seen anybody yet.
Do you want me to...
Can you make friends with a
fish person?
I do.
Alter self.
I do.
I alter self
aquatic adaptation.
And I adapt my body
to an aquatic environment. I sprout gills.
I grow webbing between my fingers, y'all.
I can breathe underwater.
Kavin Costner.
What a world!
And I like,
you know,
aerial my way
up into that
flooded cavern.
Love it. You aerial
your way in there.
Look at these camps. Isn't it neat?
Well...
You're singing
beautiful at the beginning.
It becomes more and more filled with mucus
and snot as you
breathe in the water that's
around you.
Filtering snot through
the gills.
Darn.
She think my...
And you see zipping around
you, there are, you catch a glimpse
of. Roll 2d6
for me. Two? Two!
Two of them. There's two.
That's ten.
You rolled really well. There are ten fish
people in this room. That's okay.
And they're, like, surrounding you
now. Like, feel the water, like, churning
around you. You're the only one in here.
Yes, nobody has followed you.
Are we able to see this? No,
it's, like, around a bend. Like, she
just ramboed it. Just around the river
bend. I'm just gonna go see what's happening.
And went underwater. So,
can't hear her.
And you're being, like,
surrounded. And you feel like
this, like, grabbing
at your feet and hands as they're
trying to pull you into
one of these tent structures.
Oh. I willingly
go into a tent structure. Hey.
Hey, guys. What's up?
What's up,
you guys? Well, well, well,
we're, we're here.
We're here to bring
back the avatar of them.
That's cool.
Yeah.
And, well,
you're getting in the way of that.
Although I've really heard
news from higher up from the priest
who was just, like, he screamed
down. Oh, God. What's that guy?
That priest? Leroy
John King. John King. Yeah.
Oh, that dude. Yep. Yep.
And so, well,
we've come to sacrifice you to the
god because. Oh, oh. So thank
you for coming, stepping freely
into our sacrificial tent
chamber. Oh, yeah. Don't, don't worry.
One thing though, I've, I got
to, hold on a second, and I
rifle through, rifle
through my bag.
Sorry.
That's just second, that's
just second nature at this point. And
I pull out my,
somehow, magically dry
parchment and quill.
And I go, OK, but
I am here from the news
newspaper.
And they, the people,
the townspeople are wondering
why are you not coming forward
and becoming part of the town
as regular townspeople? Just before
you sacrifice me, just let me kind of get a
quote. Well, we didn't feel
they didn't accommodate
some of our desires and wants.
And I'm scratching
wildly on my parchment. Like having
a waterfall in the center
of town. Waterfall
center of town. Yep. A big, a giant pool.
And
well, really just didn't
appreciate what
Umkus was about
for so long. So we were
sent up here into the caves. And then
fortunately, we were able
to break through the riverbed
and flood it
and allow us a little
safety and sanctuary for the
arrival of the avatar of Umkus,
which should be any
moment now. OK.
Follow up question. If you got
us just a quick. It's
going to be real quick.
So like, do you find that
swimming in this because
as someone with gills at
this moment, I am finding it to be very
difficult to swim through
this water
and how do you
feel about that versus the regular water
that you have been used to before? Well, let me
tell you about regular water. We cut
back to everybody else.
As you want to die a drive
about regular water. It's
been a good hot minute. Thea has
not returned. What do
all of you do?
I think she's dead.
Well, I mean, I don't know. I
think she's been through worse than this.
It's never involved water. I mean, we did
ask her to make friends,
so maybe
she's sort of
having that, you know, Thea
charm. Do you think
by this time that we'd be good to
go on? We didn't establish any kind
of signal or anything.
Oh, yeah, we did. I mean, I can
also breathe
underwater.
You seem to be
a very cool person.
I have to say, I know you were evil,
but, like, damn, girl, you got lots
going on for you. You know,
this whole time I've been thinking about
how cool you are. You're so
strong. It's amazing.
Enough, enough.
Go breathe underwater.
Be your fantastic self.
All right, so I'll just maybe
go. And, uh,
hey, please don't leave
until
we get back. Well,
Lipsinki, if you're going, then I
feel I owe it to you to go along as well.
I'm not going to let you go on your own.
Oh, well.
Wait, do you breathe underwater, too?
No. But
I can hold my breath for a
good amount of time. Okay,
well, that's pretty cool. That's pretty cool.
I did not go with Thea
because, well, I don't
breathe underwater.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
All right, well, we'll see you two later.
Grancis, don't write him off as dead
quite yet.
Grancis, do you know any spells that
make breathing water
not an issue? Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
I got the book now, so, I mean, I can do pretty much
anything you want. Water breathing?
That sounds like a spell that would be helpful.
Great. All right. So do you
want to come and help?
Or are you just going to kind of just call
people dead out here?
I mean, I've been with Thea enough that
it's definitely a possibility
that she's dead or making awkward
small talk. So
I mean, I feel like out of all
the people here, you're the one that's probably
died the most, so I feel like
I do hold the
crown for that one, although Flint's coming up
pretty strong behind me, aren't you,
Flint? Wait,
wait, what?
Yep.
Dead.
Okay.
I will stay here
and not leave anyone behind.
I will count to
one hundred. See?
You're so cool. Russ, I'd like to use my divine
sense to see if there's any
celestial fiends or undead within sixty feet of me.
Celestials? No.
Fiends? No. Undead?
No.
Okay.
I don't believe you.
All right, water, water breathing.
Water breathing, water walking.
They're very, very similar.
Oh, do not go
water walking. You go in there,
you show like
water people like, hey,
I don't even go inside water.
I'm too cool. I think
that is bad diplomacy.
Diplomacy.
Elia would be so proud of me right now.
Well,
here I go.
Let's go. Cast water breathing on
you. Not for sure you're going to say cast water
walking on you. Away you go.
Fuck diplomacy.
Go in there like a god.
That's what you said you wanted, right? I do.
I have alter self so I can
just turn into that.
I don't need no Grancis.
Okay, the two of you
swim down
underneath the water and as you go,
your breathing becomes a little
bit harder and more filled with snot
and you get into this open chamber
and you two begin to see
fish people surrounding you.
Creating like this whirlpool
effect around you
and then they reach out and try and grab your arms
and legs. What do you do?
I grab back.
They grab in a firm embrace
and begin
pulling you towards one of the tents.
I open mouth kiss one of them.
It open mouth kisses you back.
We're in a relationship. It's an orgy.
It's like salmon spawning. You don't know
what happens. You go into the tent
and you see Thea there.
Well, and that's the story
about real water.
Alright, time to stab her.
Hold on a second.
I mean that's super duper itch.
Oh hey you guys, don't drink the water.
No problem. I mean obviously
it's too late.
Well yeah, it's just
so are we going to
fight these guys?
There's just one fish with a blade
just standing right over Thea
just waiting. No, please don't.
We actually were hoping that
we were just going to
go on our way
but maybe
we could get a couple scales.
That's probably rude.
We don't want to have to kill y'all.
Oh, I had to even
brought up the idea of scales yet
though, Lipsticky. We've been
developing a relationship.
I say I'm more
direct.
No, but I was going to willingly
sacrifice myself for you then I was going to
ask if you could willingly
donate some scales for me because
they're just so freaking beautiful. I just
want to stare at something beautiful before I die.
Well, what if we actually
got you a different sacrifice?
There's a
person up in a hole. I don't think
they're going to last long.
We just go get them, bring them down here
you do the
and uh... Just a trade?
Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then you wouldn't mind giving us
one of your scales? Great.
Yeah, love it. Wait, is it going to
hurt you? Are you going to be okay?
Oh no, we shed scales like snakes.
You guys are so
cool. So cool.
Yeah.
We could just like get rid of this.
Yeah. There's a lot of that hanging around.
Wait, do you guys like being
like this all the time?
It's just what we are.
The avatar of M'Kus is supposed to take it
away.
Oh, I see.
Okay. Yeah, you go get your person
and we'll just wait here.
And then we'll get our scales and
get you that. Swapsies, swapsies.
The avatar of M'Kus.
And away we go.
Sweet.
So I'm just going to stay here?
Fair enough, fair enough.
Makes sense, makes total sense.
So do you want to keep
interviewing or you're going to stay here?
I got a billion questions.
Is Donnie okay? Cause I totally left him
with the hunter.
He's fine. Yeah.
I thought Grandsons would be to die or something.
It's still a possibility, but you know.
Oh, fair enough.
This other
sacrifice is. So
I guess we'll double back and
go get it. Yeah, cool. Just hang out here.
Lipstick here, hang out with me.
Vorunax proceeds and goes back.
Catches Flint on the way by. And as you
kind of come up and out of the water,
like Grancis' back is too. He's like, well, they're
probably dead.
Grancis, I've come back
from the dead. It's been like
30 seconds and he's like,
Well, I guess it's just you
and me, buddy. It's a little shaky on that
spell that I cast. It's been
a while. Oh, I'm so glad
you're here.
I was just telling them how we should
probably not count you out.
Yeah. Okay. Flint,
I'm going to go back and get one of those dudes.
We're doing a swap of people
so we can get a fish scale.
Okay. Willfully given. So
we just, you want to go with me?
We've got to hoist that person up and bring
him down here. Yeah, let's do
a little makeshift
litter to carry them and everything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You proceed back up there
and as you approach.
Did you leave
for good?
Hello? Hello?
Yeah, we're here.
We're just figuring out a game plan.
Oh, I thought
I was left down in the bottom
of this hole forever.
The blood
has, there's a lot of it.
The towel didn't do exactly
what I thought it was going to do.
Must have done something if you're
still alive.
Oh, you found those
ropes. That's good. That's good.
That's what we, where we went. Great.
That's what we were going to get.
Okay, I'm going to climb into the
ropes. Yeah.
Oh, oh, it's
yeah, it's popped the bone completely
out now.
Don't worry about it. We'll get it taken care of.
Roger that.
Okay.
Thank you.
We'll take care of you and
come on. I judged you all
completely wrong.
I thought you would, you know, you
were here to just wipe out what we were
doing. Probably would have killed me back
in that lab. But now I
see that you're good people.
Yeah, we're here to help. So where are we
going? Oh, we're going through
the maze and out
this one way.
Seems like, yeah,
so you'll see.
We'll get you somewhere we can get that leg
taken care of. Great, great. Yeah, I'm feeling
a little lightheaded. If you could just like
give me, just help me.
He passes out in your arms, still alive.
Okay, thought
let's not rock it out. Proceed back down
back into the back underneath
the water and fish people
are there. Oh, oh,
oh, it's Bob. Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Just one more question before
like we do the whole swap season.
If
like we moved away, right?
Like we're not going to stay here or whatever.
This cold, like
what I have going on here,
is this just like your regular like did that
did that jackass who had a cold
who did the apple bobbing cause all this?
Oh, oh, no, no.
That's us that caused it. Like we are
we are we are diseased fish
polluting the water with
the disease that is springing down
towards the city of news.
Wow, really? Like
nicely done.
How do you like fix
this? Oh, I would
have him because he's going to come in
and just heal everybody. Fair enough.
Fair enough. Okay, cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.
All right. Well, that
is Bob. Can I have a couple
scales? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.
Sure. Sure.
Put some on all
absolutely gave me the prettiest ones.
You are just like a gorgeous specimen. I have
to say. They grow back. Maybe you will be
the avatar. Maybe I will be.
Maybe you'll be the avatar. Who knows?
I don't know. Pleasure to see you.
Yeah, you too. I hope the article
goes well. It was nice to meet
you both.
Pleasure's all mine. Sleep Bob here.
We'll take care of Bob. Oh, no, absolutely.
For sure. I
turned around and I whispered to Liv's thinking, I'm like
I want to kill them all. Is this
a test? A test of what?
Are you testing me because you're offering
No, I want to fucking kill them all. They're
infecting an entire city.
Because I will, I mean, obviously
I'm more than happy to just
kill them all. Let's just do it.
Killing people.
Vorunax, she said, is OK.
It's not a test and that we can
just kill them all. No, it's not a test.
This is not a drill.
Well, we could let them summon their god
and see what that's like.
But first, I'm going to kill
Bob first so they don't have a sacrifice.
Oh, that's a good call.
I'm going to do it.
I don't want that to happen. At that moment I turn
around and I want to
my scimitar
into
Bob's head.
Hands on kill him.
And I'll attack the person holding the
sacrificial dagger. This happens
quickly. We can't let this happen to the town. Also,
I have an article to publish. If they're all going to be sick
all the time, nobody's going to read it.
I've done a lot of leg
work here as a reporter.
It is my
new persona. It happens quickly
and simultaneously. Bob
right into his skull
and the fish person
holding the dagger above him.
Head
drifts down to the ground. Oh, you fucking
filleted him.
Oh, no, no.
Oh, no. I guess
the end goal here is just to kill everybody?
Oh, yeah. We go on a murderous
rampage. Yeah, I'm just going to
Eldritch Blast that last one
that's there in the tent and then we just
head out and just
start blasting. Okay.
Yeah, the scene plays out. There's scales.
There's blood. There's
explosions. There are fireballs.
There's mucus. There's so much mucus.
Yeah. Eldritch Blast
some lightning. Oh, yeah.
There's explosions going off that kind of blocks
some of the river and slows the
water and it begins to drain out and there's this
nose statue
in the middle of this chamber as
well. And it's like
it looks like it's
absorbing or sucking up the water
and the blood around it.
Ew.
We cut back to
On that eloquent note from Amy.
Ew.
We cut back to the town of Greenest and you're standing
at the produce and artifice
stand of Squeaky McLeemerson
and he's counting the things
off. You got the springs.
You got the sprinkles. You got the
cogs and bowls. Oh, this is a good piece
of raw ore there.
I mined that myself. Jellies.
This looks like a good one. Little gelatinous
cube there. Is it? Yes.
And the jam. Now I need
the raspberry jelly because I mean options.
Well, that'll be good for breakfast tomorrow.
Not exactly for what I needed it for but
good side product. You are not
specific. Thank you.
And I need to be assured because
there's no way to know except for the word
of you that the scales of the fish
person were freely given.
Oh, yeah. There was a tradesies.
Okay. Yes. They took them
from themselves, gave them to you.
Absolutely. They were not forcefully
taken. Roger that. Well, because if they
were forcefully taken something terrible would happen.
Good thing they're not. Yeah, good thing.
Well, is this for our ring thing?
No, no. This is for a side project.
No, don't worry. I've got your
ring all settled up here.
And look at this. And I
can show you a newspaper which I have an article
published. Well, would you look at that?
That's right. Front page.
Your byline on the front page. That's a
well-written article there. I mean, I've accomplished
a lot in my life but. Look,
we've got one of you's got a statue, one of
you's a published author. All right.
Well, we've all settled up here. You've got
your ring of going to hell
because that just sounds like a right good time
that you're going to do on the weekend, doesn't it?
Ah, it's been nice knowing you.
I'll see you later there.
Thank you kindly. Thank you.
All of you turn, Arnax,
you have your ring back on, you
slip it onto your finger
and you begin walking away from
Squeaky McLeemerson. Are we ready?
Yeah, let's go to hell.
And I twist
the middle part of the ring and it clicks
into place. And all
of you
out of this
plane.
Dumbgeons and Dragons Season 2
Episode 132
Starring Amy More as Thea and
Nighthunter, Carla Maxted as
Lipsynke, Tom Laird as Flint
with Kyle Claset as Vorunax and
Russ More as your Dungeon Master.
Dialogue Editing by Newt Channalcotti
and Sound Design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
and Artlist. And sound
effects from Epidemic Sound, Boom Library
and Sound Ideas. A huge thank you to our
supporting producers, Gabriel Lynch,
Jessica Babyok, Kat Waterflame,
Jacob Madden, Christian Brown,
Craig Zeiss, Aaron Stevens,
Darylith, Perry Matey, Old School
Gamer D, L.A. Branton,
Nathaniel Teeter, Destiny Garcia,
Nicholas Cooper, and Ryan Carr.
Join us today at Patreon.com
slash Dumb Dragon Cast, where we have
new community goals, exclusive podcast
and discord channels, and so
much more. We hope to see you over there
very soon. Our next goal is 115
patrons in the community and we're getting
more patrons. You have a great week.
We'll talk to you soon.
Full disclosure, I have no idea about
bets, but I remember hearing that one time,
so I'm hoping it's that. I was like,
I've heard parlay in
Pirates of the Caribbean.
Tom, did you even sniff?
Mine wasn't good.
They kind of like caught halfway.
Mine wasn't good.
I'm sorry. I will record one later.
I was mouthing the national
anthem. I wasn't singing at all.
You're not me.
I'm not even touching this Bible.
We have yacht.
Yacht net found oar.
We have not yet.
Yay verily.
Jesus.
I wonder if I
kept going. Could I do a whole sentence where
I reversed every letter
to each individual word?
That's a shoe.
That is a very weird thing for us to say
right there. You know when you've had dogs
for so long, you know the sound of a shoe
dropping from like the proper height
of a dog. Yeah, that was that.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a
Dumb Dragons production.